The Lovers
by mydogsname
Summary: Nigel Thornberry and Patrick Bateman meet Spongebob and start a polygamous relationship. But what happens when their dreams don't go as planned?
1. Chapter 1

Nigel Thornberry giggled seductively at Patrick Bateman.

"Why hello there." Bateman smiled as he tickled Nigel's anus with his tongue. "And who might you be?"

"Tehehehehe!" Nigel blushed. "I-I'm Nigel Thornberry," he said bashfully.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG! Nigel Thornberry. You are the HOTTEST man I have ever been alive to meet and greet at orientation!" Bateman said.

"Y thank u!" Nigel replied sensually.

"I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to club Penis Piercing tonight?" Bateman asked.

"Well, I was going to get a prostate examination, but how can I resist a man as lovely as yourself?" Nigel replied.

Bateman stuck out his arm. "Shall we exit this erotic establishment? Poopy?"

"MMMMMMMSSSSSSMMMMMMMAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!" Nigel said.

As they entered the club that night, they saw Patrick's BFFs: Walt Disney, Jesus Vagina Crust and Human parainfluenza viruses (hPIVs).

"Hello everyone!" Patrick cried.

"Hi guys!" All his friends replied. "Look what we have!"

On the table were lines of coke!

"Oh wow!" Patrick shouted. "Hey Nigel, are you ready to have a cool party tonight?"

"Well, I haven't done any coke since Eliza went down on me last weekend," Nigel said.

"Who's Eliza?" Patrick asked.

"She's my daughter. Her braces scrape my dick but let's just say I love SMASHING that 12-year-old pussy into oblivion!"

"I know that feeling, snugglemuffin. I love the feeling of tonguing under 18 succulent virgin snatch and having them bounce up and down on my big veiny cock."

"You got that right, poppet," Nigel whispered into his ear.

They rolled up $100 bills and snorted those precious lines.

"SNIIIIFFFFFF! Aw yeah, that is some good Colombian stuff!" Patrick cried. Then, he sounded like he was hacking up a hairball. "Oh God, wait!" He blew out a sharp and bloody blue gem from his nose! "Oh God, what in the fresh penile hell is that?" His nostril started to bleed.

Then, Nigel blew out the same gem! He held his nose and blew out bloody mucus onto his fingers. "Ugh, I don't know."

Patrick put a tissue to his nose. Suddenly, a table caught on fire! People tried to put it out but the fire was spreading! The smell of burnt flesh and smoke was overpowering.

"PATRICK ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE CLUB ARE DYING IN THE FIRE WHAT DO WE DO?" Nigel shouted over the screams.

"Nigel, we have to use the gems to escape! While I was blacking out when you shoved that screwdriver up my urethra I realized how horrible the human world is. Humans are so awful and disgusting and they POOP everywhere! So I had a vision that we were dolphins in the ocean, making love in front of other dolphins who didn't give a fuck about our big dolphin penises thrusting into each other and filling up each other's blowholes with our creamy dolphin delights! So the only way to escape the fire is to become dolphins, Nigel!"

"Patrick, I don't understand!" Nigel said.

"We have to use these gems to turn into dolphins, Nigel, or else we will perish in the fire like all the other clubgoers!" Patrick picked up a gem and handed one to Nigel. "We have to believe we are dolphins! We have to really want to be dolphins and then we will turn into dolphins! Now wish really, really hard!"

Patrick and Nigel looked constipated as they started wishing.

"WISH HARDER, NIGEL! HARDER!" Patrick shouted.

Suddenly, the two started to glow! Patrick winced as his legs molted together to form a tail. His anus burned and stretched out into a small slit on his underbelly. Nigel cried out as his arms broke and snapped, bending and graying into dolphin fins. His penis then retracted into a newly formed slit. Once they developed blowholes, their transformation into dolphins was complete! They both did their dolphin cries in celebration as they floated off the ground!

"PATRICK! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAS TRULY HAPPENED?" Nigel cried.

"Yes, my love, now we must escape before the building burns down ove-"

But it was too late. The building began to crumble. Patrick and Nigel tried dodging the crumbling walls. Nigel flew out first, but Patrick was left under the rubble.

"No! Patrick!" Nigel cried. He tried getting rid of the rubble to find Patrick but he couldn't because of his dolphin fins. "Patrick! Don't die on me! Try to get out! PATRICK!"

Then a magical aura surrounded the debris and it exploded away! Patrick was alive, and he had 6 pac dolphin abs, which were smooth and porcelain.

Nigel flew up to Patrick and French kissed him. "Oh Patrick! I thought you were gone for sure!"

"Me too. But as I was about to take my last breath, I felt a new, magical strength envelope me, and suddenly I had super powers!"

"Oh my corn crumbles! How did that happen?"

"It was me," said a mysterious voice. Then Spongebob emerged from the debris!

"Spongebobo! Did you save Patrick?" Nigel asked.

"Yes I did, Nigel. I have been stalking you two for decades in hopes that the both of you would meet and turn into beautiful and sexy marine mammals. I put those blue stones in your cocaine so my wish would come true."

"But why, Spongebob? That transformation was the most horrifying, painful thing I have ever experienced. You raped my body in a different, kinky kind of way," Patrick said.

"Because your love will never survive in the real world. Humans cannot understand the concept of homosexual polygamous talking dolphins. They will mock you and torture you because they are afraid of you. Do you understand? Their intelligence is not that of sea creatures. They are not as accepting as us."

"I have an enlarged prostate," Nigel said.

"The only way your love can thrive and the only way for you two to survive is if you come to Bikini Bottom."

"Okay, we'll do it!" Patrick cried.

Then Spongebob turned on the TV and all three were transported to Bikini Bottom.

**PART 2 UP NEXT!**


	2. Chapter 2

"WOWEE! I have always wanted to breathe under water!" Patrick exclaimed.

Then they went to the Krusty Krab.

"I have to go to work now. You two can stay here as long as you like. Just don't try and molest (that means bother in Spanish) the customers," Spongebob said. "DAHAHAHAHAHAGMFJA!"

"That's right my baby sponge. It's hip to be square, if ya know what I mean?" Patrick said.

They then sat at the table and Squidward came to take their orders.

"Hey there poppet, mind if I suck that sweet penile nectar of yours as my main entree?" Nigel asked.

"Not before you let me fondle your dolphin balls, stranger," Squidward replied.

Then he went down on his knees and forced the whole length of Nigel's shaft into his mouth. Nigel grabbed the back of Squidward's head and forced him to suck harder. Squidward then fingered Nigel's anus with some of his other tentacles.

Mr. Krabs angrily walked over to their table.

"What is going on here?" Mr. Krabs cried.

Patrick hardened at the sight of Mr. Krabs glorious, red and meaty claws. He imagined Mr. Krabs stroking him and cutting up his shaft.

"Nothing sir!" Patrick exclaimed. "But would you be interested in giving me a *SNORT* clawjob (TEEHEE) with your big meaty claws? I'll give you a dollar."

"Deal!" Krabs replied as he took out Patrick's dick and stroked it up and down between his claws. Patrick's penis started to hurt and turn raw. Mr. Krabs claw was cutting into his skin, causing him to bleed. Mr. Krabs smirked and licked the penis blood from in between his claw.

After a whole day of sucking and fucking, Spongeboob's shift was over. He suggested thAT Nigel and Patrick stay at his place, to which the two obliged.

Patrick and Nigel went upstairs with Spongebob. Then Spongebob accidentally dropped something.

"Whoops, silly me!" Spongebob said as he bent over, giving Nigel and Patrick a glorious full view of Spongebob's prolapsed, bright red, shit covered rectum. "Do you boys mind putting this back into place for me?"

Patrick and Nigel exchanged smiles before getting on their knees. They tongued the collapsed rectal wall, licking the feces and mucus lining it. Nigel smacked his lips as he swallowed the thick mucus discharge, spitting onto Spongebob's anus and biting it, attempting to push it back into his anus. Patrick did the same with his tongue as he felt his penis harden. He guided Nigel's hand to his member, and Nigel stroked until Patrick skeeted creamy delight all over Spongebob's prolapse. Spongebob started to shit and it seeped onto the rectal prolapse. Patrick and Nigel continued to furiously suck and tongue Spongebob's shitty and cum covered juicy gusher. Patrick bit into it again, stretching the prolapse and biting some of it off, chewing and swallowing it with a satisfying gulp. Nigel then whipped out his dolphin erection and forced it into Spongebob's prolapse. The moist and squishyness felt so amazing on his penis, and Spongebob rocked his hips to Nigel's thrusting motions. Nigel ejaculated into the reddened protruding rectal flower as Spongebob shat and came onto his chest one last time.

They were unable to fully push the walls back into Spongebob's rectum, but Sponebob was still satisfied, and so were the two men turned dolphins.

"Thank you both for attempting to repair my rectal prolapse. I am thankful for you two beauties and your bountiful libidos," Spongebob said as he left to take a shower.

Nigel grinned and jumped into the bed. "This is the life!" he cried.

"Yeah, I guess so," Patrick murmured.

"What? You don't like eating the shit off of Spongebob's prolapsed anus?" Nigel asked. "What about if you rub my buttcheeks onto my flaccid penis?"

That was Patrick's favorite activity. He loved it when Nigel's penis was flaccid because it isn't too stiff to lodge in betwixt his tender asscheeks.

"No, I do like that. But I want more. You know, I was thinking that I want to take over the Krusty Krab."

"How do you suppose you do that?"

"We kill Spongebob."

"What?" Nigel cried. "Why would you do that?"

"It's the only way to step up to my ultimate powers," Patrick replied. "Listen Nigel, I have spent my whole life being shit on by unsuspecting passengers on the crowded train to Beijing. I have to tried to step up my game, and I have, but it is not good enough. It's never good enough. I need more."

Tears streaked Nigel's cheeks. "Patrick, I-I can't."

"You have to."

Nigel let out a cry and shook his head as he bit his lip.

"Please Nigel. Do this for me. Please. I'm begging you."

Nigel sighed. "Okay, I'll do it."

"Good." Patrick then got up and produced a knife from his penile slit. He went into the bathroom. Spongebob's bloodcurdling screams echoed throughout the whole pineapple.

"OH GOD PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Spongebob cried.

Nigel sobbed, covering his ears as slimy mucus trailed onto his lips. When Patrick came out of the bathroom with a bloody knife, Nigel fainted.

The next morning, Nigel awoke to a half-empty bed. He slowly got up.

"Patrick?" He called. "Patrick, Poppet, where are you?"

Nigel saw a trail of blood near the opened bathroom door. He hesitated, shaking his head and stifling a cry before turning on the lights. Once he did, he saw Spongebob, dead and propped upright on the toilet with blood seeping from his stab wounds.

Nigel gasped, shaking, his knees buckling to the ground. He fingered Spongebob's anus. It felt cold. Nigel let out another cry, sobbing into his legs.

"I'm so sorry Sponebob. I'm so, so sorry. I should've never let this happen!"

Spongebob's penis suddenly got hard. Nigel heard Spongebob's voice, but it wasn't coming from Spongebob.

"Avenge me Nigel! I want you to kill Patrick Bateman, make him get down on his knees and lick your asshole clean!"

"But how, Spongebob? He's too powerful!"

"You can do it Nigel. I believe in you. But first you have to jerk me off."

Nigel masturbated Spongebob. The sponge then gloriously splooged a glittery white onto Nigel's face. Nigel licked the succulent goodness off of his lips and soon felt an amazing power overcome him like he had never felt before. He gave Spongebob a last kiss goodbye and left him to decay on the toilet.

When Nigel arrived at the Krusty Krab, Patrick had murdered and sodomized and raped everyone. He was covered in blood and cum. He then turned his head to Nigel.

"Nigel!" Patrick cried. Before he could run to his lover, Nigel produced a gun.

"Not one step closer, you piece of shit," Nigel said coldly.

"Sweetie, what are you doing? Put the gun down," Patrick replied.

Nigel started to tear up. "I trusted you. I thought you were good, Patrick. I thought that you, me and Spongebob could live the rest of our days as lovers, peacefully."

"We still can, Nigel. But we don't need Spongebob. We can rule the world, the both of us. Don't you see? Taking over Bikini Bottom is only the beginning. We are powerful, talking dolphins. We can force other humans as our slaves, and reproduce with them to make an army of half-human half-dolphin babies."

"Patrick..."

"All of our troubles will be gone. As long as you stay with me."

Nigel shook his head before dropping the gun and collapsing into Patrick's flippers. Suddenly, a gunshot resonated. Nigel's head shot up. He slowly reached for his anal slit. When he drew back his flipper, there was blood. He collapsed to the ground, convulsing.

"Why, Patrick? Why?"

"You're too weak, Nigel. I can't let you stand in the way of my dreams."

Patrick knelt down by the quivering Nigel. He gently closed Nigel's eyes. As he took his last breath, Patrick gently kissed him on the lips.

"Goodbye."

Later on, Patrick was unable to carry out his plan. The humans had polluted the waters so much that all the marine animals died. The human population was soon more than the Earth could handle. Thus, all humans and animals eventually died off. After humans ruined the planet, the Earth could never become habitable again, the human population had soon become a spec of dust in the vastness known as space.


End file.
